Why I don't Blog 1)

Well, my girlfriend says that blogging is just for people with kids. MY argument is that blogging can also serve as an invaluable opportunity for my much needed “me time”. Imagine, a hallowed spot on the world wide web where I can believe that everyone is only thinking of me, & all the fans of my munduanity (don’t look that up, it’s a non-word inspired from “mundane”) can gather to bask in the depth & open honesty that comes from the squeezing of having nothing better to do.

And to think that some people believe the Internet is the Anti-Christ! Tsk.

She didn’t seem too impressed, you can tell by that disappointed look on her face, so I had to produce an example of all it is we childless non-bloggers are missing. We found people—serious, professional disciples mind you—blogging about their weight, what they did last weekend, what they drank last weekend (+pictures), what they’re gonna do NEXT weekend, what they WOULD be doing THIS weekend if they weren’t so busy blogging & fulfilling their responsibility to their faithful readers… “See darling? It’s almost like having PETS!” (I instinctively know that ANYTHING that might teach me responsibility will sit well with her)

Besides, don’t I need an outlet for all my spare brainwaves? I was going through my old, old files & I found this .txt file I must have done years ago. So priceless, I’ll share it here. Apparently, I was working on a play (a Shakespeare-type thing) which I named “Balaam”. Yeah, I know. The good news is that I only got halfway through ONE scene: Balaam had told the three messengers from the king to come back the next morning to see if he’d go with them & this scene takes place then as they come to fetch him:

(The three names you don’t recognize are the three messengers)

PARDISCH: Balaam! Balaam! 'Tis the time appointed, where art thou?

BALAAM: Hither, my lords, hither & much perplexed. Ye have not seen mine ass, perchance?

LEINPODD: I noted a cute ass skipping about in a string & had a right mind to lay hold & fix it to my well bred & hardy steed, which was, as yet awaiting the saddle. But ere I could get it up & get up on it, the ass was gone.

BALAAM: Ah, that would be m'nieghbours affair, good noble, for that was his she ass, if I know it rightly, & an envy-inspiring animal too. Nay, my mean ass has got a rope on, & it's one big, black, hairy hide.

FARZACH: Ok then, we didn't see it. But on so nasty a night as the one this morning chases, where doth thy humble ass usually pass the foul winds?

BALAAM: Hmm, yonder I usually find my ass, in a crack between two large boulders, & now he's but away. Afford me this favour & catch my ass. Oft times he is a slow & tedious plodder, but today i'faith he's got the runs.

PARDISCH: Lo, mounted on our steeds have we sat in waiting an hour, wanting of ten minutes. Now up your ass.

FARZACH: If it were thy cock that strayed in the night the king may accept it with strained humour, but it shall not be my pleasure to bear to our lord who sent us that we so tarried by reason of a prophet who could not find his ass in the morning. (End of File)

I’m not going to say that my girlfriend is ALWAYS right because that’s just NOT true, but I REALLY shouldn’t blog.