Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Is "Awesomest" a real word?

Thrown Together Productions
a Weekend Activity entertainment.

Music, lyrics, performance & video editing by MEEEE...Camera work by Angelique, the little sister of Agnes, to whom this song is dedicated.

Special thanks to Patrick, for his little nylon guitar, Celeste & Angelique for...the props & everybody who cooked, did dishes & watched the kids while I sat around scheming & creating.

Oh yeah, & everyone that passed by & giggled at my work, giving me faith to persevere.

I'd also like to thank God & my mother...nah, just kidding. But seriously, if I don't give the Lord His credit He might not grant me another one (& I REALLY want another one.) PTL.

Saturday, 5 September 2009

Offensive Showbiz

I'll admit I've had wittier posts. I'm not sure why I thought this was funny. I guess the moral of the story is: When you're tired go to bed, don't go to your computer & try to blog.

Thursday, 3 September 2009

Disclaimers & Apologies

...opening with a pic of me from our trip to the beach. I was playing with the sand & Agnes didn't want me to burn my scalp so...hence the cute red thing. I would have included a pic of her too except she was now topless.

Ok, on with it now. First of all I should say that EVEN I don't believe EVERYTHING I say, so don't feel like I necessarily NEED you to agree. Sometimes it's just to make you laugh. Sometimes it's just to take this piss out of you or get frenzied feedback & comments on my blog.

That said, I should confess a thing or two about myself (specifically regarding my post on "Women Talk" below):

Although you'd THINK that at my age I'd know how to flirt maturely--with poetry, song & a suave manliness, I'm still a bit of a 10yr old boy on the inside & all I KNOW how to do is tug on the girls' ponytails & pull up their skirts. Sorry, that's all I got.

Now, add to that that MOST of girls I want the attention of are mothers. Doesn't making a harmlessly offensive assessment of their social practices seem like a brilliant solution for someone in my position? It's how one thinks outside of the box when the box is the very thing you're thinking to speak.

Women Talk

Disclaimer: I have already been informed that this is probably one of the worst pieces I've ever written, but feel free to pile it on. Oh, & any resemblances the characters in this article may bear to specific REAL people (beside myself) are a pure coincidence of stereotype. (Full disclaimer coming in a future post.)

We have a small dining room in our kitchen so it often happens that I’m doing the lunch dishes while the girls have their tea/coffee time &, especially when we have other girl visitors, the girl-talk conversation INEVITABLY wonders to a conference of pregnancy/childbirth testimonials. It’s like a time of feminine solidarity, a bonding activity that brings together women of all ages & walks of life & unites them around this common adventure that they, either have or yet will, embark upon toward the propagation of humanity.

Now I’m not one of those guys that turn green & leave the room at the mention of…you know, mucus plugs, bloody tampons, un-dilated cervix' & tearing... To the contrary, as long as it’s not housewife gossip & soap operas, I find MOST forms of girl talk quite fascinating because you get to hear how girls relate to other girls (it’s almost educational). And honestly, what girl TRIES to make herself sound grosser than she HAS to be in her own story? Truth be told, I’d sooner overhear that than a two hour discussion on cars & sports.

Now, at first I used to think it was normal & natural that if you’ve spent nine months with a perfect stranger in your tummy & then spent the better part of a day squeezing it out of a hole that was pretty much just designed for sticking things INTO, you WOULD have a tendency to want to talk about it a lot at any opportunity & to anyone who will listen. Granted.

But, you know, you do lunch dishes often enough & you start noticing strange conversational patterns recurring. For example, in most NORMAL conversations the comments are triggered by the previous comments, right? Whether it’s contradicting it or agreeing, answering or denying, adding information or adjusting it with a different objective, every contribution is built on the preceding ones, & we call it a conversation.

NOT SO with the preggy talk, no. When mothers converse (or should we say “air their collective experiences”) one of them will go on for as long as seems polite & then let the next girl have a go & so on. And when it’s her turn again she’ll simply continue her story where she left off, like episodes of a TV series that have nothing to do with the other series other than sharing air time on your TV. At least that’s how it SUPPOSED to work! Cuz when one of them ACCIDENTLY slips back into a normal conversational pattern (& some of them do that a lot), her contribution is immediately resented & she won’t get invited to tea next time.


For example, if girl number three says, “I was in labour for a whole day!” & then girl number one or two (who just HAD their turn) adds, in a normal conversational manner, “Oh that must have been terrible, I was in labour for 36 hours, so I know how it feels…” the unspoken energy in the room will be “Hey, what’s with that? Despite the shroud of sympathetic pleasantry, you’re just cutting in the queue to trump MY story with your extra 8 hours & undermine my degree of martyrdom! Wh…why would you do that? Why?”

Not that it actually MATTERS because, according to my theory (which is still in the refining stage), they’re not even actually LISTENING to the other women’s story. No, while ONE of them is talking, what the rest are ACTUALLY doing is keeping tabs on the windows in the conversation. You know what I mean? When is the appropriate time to cut off the current speaker & who’s turn is it to do so? Does the one speaking feel that she is getting sufficient respect & support out of our time together or should we ask little questions about her story to show interest & help her feel that it’s all about her?

It’s a delicate balance that many men may never understand or fully appreciate, but it serves a double purpose. Firstly, not listening to the other’s stories allows them, as I said, to concentrate on making this time satisfying & mutually rewarding for all the pain, nausea & sacrifice that has wrenched each of these women out of the cocoon of girlhood into motherhood through one or more traumatizing experiences. Secondly, if you KNOW the other girls aren’t listening to your story, well then it means it’ll be JUST as exciting when you get to tell it to them again tomorrow.

But that's just a dishwasher's theory.

Tuesday, 1 September 2009

Happy Birthday Agnes

I had this other post all ready to submit to my blog, which I was gonna do today when I realised that I hadn’t posted in SO long that if I finally DID post on Agnes’ birthday it should probably be about her. Posting for people on their birthday is not really something I’ve ever done, but according to Nicole, it’s starting to be considered bad cyber manners. And one’s girlfriend seems to be as good a person to start with as any. So the other post’ll just have to wait.

What I like most about her is her very particular brand of being feminine. It's everything a father should warn his son of, but in a good way. She lets me be the stronger sex & just when I feel I won, I get this feeling like I'm a kid whose teacher just tricked him out of not standing in the corner...I need to feel strong & she lets me. And that takes incredible strength. She has strength to serve when I wish she'd just come & be lazy with me. She lets me rant when I'm angry & when I've outdone myself she says, "Ok Michael, now stop being silly"...& then it stops. She's the reason I have a passion about the things I do & why I so want to succede, cuz when she's proud of me it makes everything all better. So I need to be VERY careful about which photo I put up here or I'm not getting ANY tonight.
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