Thursday, 25 September 2008

Junkfood for Thought

Ok, I just went back & re-read my last post & what is most impressed upon me is the notion that, when I stand before God, I shall have to give account for every idle word I’ve uttered. Which REALLY sucks because I’ve recently been reminded that a picture is worth a THOUSAND words. A THOUSAND words! I wish that had worked for me with my English teacher who SPECIFICALLY did NOT count the inspirational artwork in the margins of my essay toward the 2000 word minimum.

So great, now I’ve got to be picky about the pics I post as well. Of course, I DID try to wrangle with God a LITTLE. I cunningly mentioned to Him that words uttered on the Internet shouldn’t really count, at least not as harshly, since they ARE just 1s & 0s in an artificial environment. Then He gets all, like “Fine, if you REALLY want to count it that way, take a one thousand-word .txt file & compare it with your average .jpg & come back & give me the file size ratio in ‘1s & 0s’ & we’ll see what kind of deal I can cut you.” Then He adds, as an afterthought, “And taking My name in vain counts triple…”

So much for that. Ah, pride; it is a tough pill to swallow but the GOOD news is that when dealing with the Lord, in his infinite mercy, He tenderly supplies it in suppository form. Yay! So if you don’t mind I’m just gonna go ahead & post something pretty, you know, make the Internet a nicer place.

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Why I don't blog 2)

The Parable of the wallet. The kingdom of blogging is like unto a man who bought unto himself a wallet. The more money he SPENT on his wallet, the less money he had to put INSIDE the wallet once it was his, AND the more often he’d also want to pull it out & USE the dandy thing, thereby having even less wherewithal within it.

Then came his readers unto him privately saying, reveal unto us the parable of the wallet. He answered & said unto them, are ye also yet without understanding? Know ye not that he that hath interesting stuff to blog about, hath it only by virtue of the time he spendeth NOT blogging. For out of the abundance of a man’s life his blog speaketh.

Having a healthy life/blog seems to be about keeping the age old balance between “writing something worth reading” on the one hand & “doing something worth writing about” on the other. I feel it’s only fair to you to inform you that nothing in this blog post falls under either of these noble categories. Any further time you spend READING this will be wasted as time that YOU could have spent doing something worth writing about, if not reading about. It’s not that I didn’t DO anything worth DOING. I translated a witnessing tract into French. It’s a good tract, “It’s Free” about salvation, by my father (Anthony) and translating it into French is a worthy undertaking as the French probably need it more than anyone else in the world. But it’s just not something to blog about.

So, why don’t I blog? Well, the reason of the week would be that I’ve been busy doing things that could make my week the sum of something worth blogging about. However, when it’s time to sit down & write about it, I realize, “Who ACTUALLY cares?” Who wants to read about us spending a week filming a video clip? Was it a fun & challenging experience? Yes. Will people want to watch it? …I kinda hope so. Will people want to READ about the making of on a blog? By GOD, I wouldn’t.

Nor would I want to read about the “Memory verse in song musical drama” that I made with kids at our place to help them review their FLIP verses. Am I all nice & proud of myself about it? (Who am I trying to kid) I can’t wait to show it off! But am I gonna brag about on my blog? …Argh, modesty be damned, I shall (apparently). Now, is it worth READING?

I do feel like I just bought a 10 000 Euro wallet. Oh, yeah: He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Helpers AND Hinderers?

Has it ever happened to you that you’re praying for something & you ALMOST call on a hinderer to help you? It happened to me recently & I had to wonder.

Example: you have this hyperactive kid that doesn’t want to take a nap—now, would it be heretical to call on Lethargy to “do his thing”… I mean, since it works so well on MOST Christians? What, with the Lord revealing him to us BY NAME & us rebuking him so effectively, I can only imagine that he’s just LOOKING for stuff to do.

At school time, for another example, some kids could USE being a LITTLE more analytical & carnal minded. (At LEAST enough to not mistake “square roots” for “cubes of carrots & potatoes”. Argh!) Now, I’m not altogether stupid, it's not like I would call on the Selvegion to help them with their division exercises. But wouldn’t calling on Pan, who's obviously NOT the right choice for times of Word or witnessing, be kind of like “rendering to Caesar the things which are Caesar’s” when it comes to school time? Are the demons not subject unto us?

Or calling on Hitler to help them learn German? He was a GREAT speaker in his time…& what’s he so busy DOING in hell anyways? Besides, I can’t picture a hellfire more tormentous than trying to teach German to some of these kids, so why not?

Ok, now that that’s covered it brings me to the original reason I’m asking: I was looking in the mirror this morning, combing what’s left of my hair &, while praising the Lord for how perfectly special & unique He has made me, I ALMOST called on a little help from the Spirits of Seduction…

Hey, I wasn’t claiming FULL POSSESSION or anything…it’s just that, given my good looks & irresistible charm, I just KNOW I could find employment for some “seductory forces”.

I SWEAR I would use it for good only!
P.S. Before completely adopting this concept as part of my beliefs on spiritual warfare, the Lord showed me to pray against a spirit of just taking things by faith & instead calling on the keys of skepticism & a spirit of comparing so that I can measure this foolishness against the yardstick of what the Word has to say. (Mat.12:26 Luke.11:18)

Just 'cuz it's funny

You've probably already seen this but I'm posting it now out of respect for the fact that, back when I saw it, it made me laugh--so heartily I even...cried...a little.

Lost Luggage

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Why I don't Blog 1)

Well, my girlfriend says that blogging is just for people with kids. MY argument is that blogging can also serve as an invaluable opportunity for my much needed “me time”. Imagine, a hallowed spot on the world wide web where I can believe that everyone is only thinking of me, & all the fans of my munduanity (don’t look that up, it’s a non-word inspired from “mundane”) can gather to bask in the depth & open honesty that comes from the squeezing of having nothing better to do.

And to think that some people believe the Internet is the Anti-Christ! Tsk.

She didn’t seem too impressed, you can tell by that disappointed look on her face, so I had to produce an example of all it is we childless non-bloggers are missing. We found people—serious, professional disciples mind you—blogging about their weight, what they did last weekend, what they drank last weekend (+pictures), what they’re gonna do NEXT weekend, what they WOULD be doing THIS weekend if they weren’t so busy blogging & fulfilling their responsibility to their faithful readers… “See darling? It’s almost like having PETS!” (I instinctively know that ANYTHING that might teach me responsibility will sit well with her)

Besides, don’t I need an outlet for all my spare brainwaves? I was going through my old, old files & I found this .txt file I must have done years ago. So priceless, I’ll share it here. Apparently, I was working on a play (a Shakespeare-type thing) which I named “Balaam”. Yeah, I know. The good news is that I only got halfway through ONE scene: Balaam had told the three messengers from the king to come back the next morning to see if he’d go with them & this scene takes place then as they come to fetch him:

(The three names you don’t recognize are the three messengers)

PARDISCH: Balaam! Balaam! 'Tis the time appointed, where art thou?

BALAAM: Hither, my lords, hither & much perplexed. Ye have not seen mine ass, perchance?

LEINPODD: I noted a cute ass skipping about in a string & had a right mind to lay hold & fix it to my well bred & hardy steed, which was, as yet awaiting the saddle. But ere I could get it up & get up on it, the ass was gone.

BALAAM: Ah, that would be m'nieghbours affair, good noble, for that was his she ass, if I know it rightly, & an envy-inspiring animal too. Nay, my mean ass has got a rope on, & it's one big, black, hairy hide.

FARZACH: Ok then, we didn't see it. But on so nasty a night as the one this morning chases, where doth thy humble ass usually pass the foul winds?

BALAAM: Hmm, yonder I usually find my ass, in a crack between two large boulders, & now he's but away. Afford me this favour & catch my ass. Oft times he is a slow & tedious plodder, but today i'faith he's got the runs.

PARDISCH: Lo, mounted on our steeds have we sat in waiting an hour, wanting of ten minutes. Now up your ass.

FARZACH: If it were thy cock that strayed in the night the king may accept it with strained humour, but it shall not be my pleasure to bear to our lord who sent us that we so tarried by reason of a prophet who could not find his ass in the morning. (End of File)

I’m not going to say that my girlfriend is ALWAYS right because that’s just NOT true, but I REALLY shouldn’t blog.
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