Another Pictureless Post

You know how they always call Abraham “the Father of Faith” or “of the faithful”? As a kid I always thought that was a LITTLE unfair just because he got there first & the position was still open, ‘cuz if I heard God telling me to get to a land which I will, after, receive for an inheritance, OF COURSE I’d obey too.

But then one day, in the shower, I thought about it.

Imagine you’re Abraham. You’re trying to hear from the Lord about…stuff & in the course of the conversation He asks you to sacrifice your GREATEST pride & joy, the VESSEL through which God would make him the Father of many nations, the DOOR to the promise seed! (Not to mention the time God asked him to sacrifice his son Isaac, but I’ll get to that when we’ve covered this circumcision thing) Yes, all you male readers out there should sympathise--CHOP! Not only HIM but ALL the men in his whole bleeding tribe!

This shower time epiphany was a purely theological experience, but I shouldn’t have to tell you that.

So right, “Abram” comes home from his “alone with God” time & announces that he is changing his name (yay!) &, “Oh yeah, we’re all gonna slice off our foreskins!” Say, WHAT? …something to do with a “treaty with God…”? If my shepherd got that kind of prophesy for ME there’d be some SERIOUS WTFing going on (umm, which, in THIS case would stand for “Wittle Thine own Foreskin, thou perverted NUT-JOB!”) Even if I MYSELF got that during my OWN P&P time, I…I think I’d just rebuke that & then not tell ANYONE! Yeah, you see, I’m one of those “if-it-makes-you-feel-good-or-want-to-do-good-then-it’s-the-Lord-speaking” kind of channels &, well, playing cut-outs with my holy parts falleth NOT under that category.

OF COURSE SARAH LAUGHED! Like it wasn’t already enough that he was Semitic*.

Poor thing. When her mutilated husband takes her precious son off for a weekend trip with the guys, sure, she’s at home worrying a BIT, but it’s just little, typical motherly things like, “Oh, did I pack him enough fresh socks…I hope he doesn’t slip off Mt Moriah…I hope HE DOESN’T GET TOO CLOSE TO THE BARBEQUE!”

Not a CLUE.

Abraham MUST have known that when they DO get home all safe & sound, like any mother, she’ll want to hear how it went! And when little Isaac finishes his inspiring tale of exemplary faith, what’s to say she’s not gonna throw a hissy fit & file him a restraining order? Call social services? THAT’s a man with unshakable faith.

Since I’ve ALWAYS known how the Bible stories end, I’ve grown to under-appreciate some of these guys’ implicit faith. It never occurred to me that MAYBE Daniel WASN’T so excited about having sleep-over in the lion’s den &, uhuh, there’s a chance that Moses stood on a rock, lifted his rod & DIDN’T REALLY know how things were gonna play out with all that water. What if he DID have that sneaky feeling that MAYBE he’d just wind up being some guy standing on a rock swinging his stick around? “Hey, if this doesn’t work out I can always yawn & pretend to be stretching…”

I guess what I’m saying is that REAL great faith has to be willing to ignore the limits of sanity--or EVEN what I would personally consider decent INsanity--& believe that the small voice telling you to…whatever it is it’s telling you to do—is, in fact, the Lord.

*Yes, I’m made a stereotypical “small penis” joke on Semites. Not my finest quip ever but, please, just let it go.